I was messing around on Facebook this morning, when I noticed that most of the inspirational quotes that people were sharing there had to do with judging others or being judged.

I guess that the right thing would be talking about misjudging and our irritating need to define reality in our own terms (a common strategy for survival, by the way), but I’d rather write about something darker that lies behind, a venemous snake we all know by the name of rejection. It is due to rejection that we become the outsider, the one who is no longer part of a group and whose identity loses value. When we feel rejected we can easily feel misjudged as well, for we consider that those around aren’t looking at us through the right lenses, nor fairly examining what we really are. Unfortunately, the reconstruction and redefinition of our identity may have fatal consequences.

We’ve all felt rejected sometime. Rejection can take many shapes and come out in a plethora of ordinary situations. We can feel rejected by a lover, partner, co-worker, friend, family member… and whatever the particular circumstance is, we all feel hurt and even worthless when it happens. Rejection is just the perfect baseball bat to beat up our self-esteem successfully. We feel we’re less able, attractive, intelligent… because someone else has just refused to see or appreciate all these wonderful things that make us who we are.


To be rejected means to be thrown aside, abandoned, discarded, casted off…and when being rejected, most of us crawl inconsolably to the nearest den in order to lick our wounds, in the deepest pits of agony, wondering why that happened to us and questioning our own value and uniqueness. In that vulnerable state of mind, where we may doubt we actually are as talented, attractive, intelligent…as we thought, all sort of harmful ideas are more likely to flourish. We usually think that if people we love or appreciate (and whose opinion we respect so much) reject us, there must be a good reason for that, right?

The answer is NO. Why is their opinion and their standards better than yours? Why are you less worthy? Well, you know that you AREN’T!

In such a delicate situation, negative considerations of ourselves can dangerously damage our self-esteem and blow up our emotional balance really badly. The excruciating pain that we feel and its consequences aren’t any joke. We might stop sleeping, eating, taking care of our duties and ourselves properly, and we often start ruminating endlessly about what happened to us instead, becoming more self-conscious, hopeless and depressed.

Don’t feel ashamed of crying, hiding in a den for a while, wolf down crisps, etc. Don’t repress any emotion at all! and let it all out (as far as it doesn’t imply hurting others!) If we don’t work on our feelings, we won’t be able to heal our wounds.

Accept what happened and forgive yourself. You’re a lovely human being who feels, cries and bleeds. Celebrate that you have the ability to love and become a better person after every challenge. Forgive those who hurt you as well. You don’t need to forgive them because you’re a good samaritan; experimenting rage at first is quite normal, but allow yourself to forgive in order to be free and regain your power: to let them and let the past go, to be able to focus on you and your healing process so that soon you can open up to new people and happier experiences, too.

And remember:

  • Rejection gives you the chance to see everyone’s true colours. If you weren’t invited to a party, perhaps the co-workers or friends that didn’t want you there aren’t the best company for you. Why don’t you reject them by making new friends who love being around you and having fun with them?
  • A boyfriend and girlfriend may have dumped you (out of the bue or after some agonizing time). It’s terrible but someone who walks away and doesn’t appreciate you nor sees the marvelous potential of your relationship is somebody you shouldn’t want to be with. Reject this person and be aware that you can be an amazing prize for somebody else: someone who will invest in your relationship and work on it by your side.

Anna M. Vives Amat

artist/art therapist





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